Our Little Secret
by letscountstars
Summary: In which Jay and Nathan are simply adorable.
1. Chapter 1

"Have fun, lads!" Jay said as he ushered Max, Tom and Siva to the door.

"You sure you don't wanna come?" Tom asked, referring to their weekly trip to the local pub.

"No thanks." And putting a hand near his stomach: "My liver needs a break. And besides, _someone's _gotta babysit Nath."

"Have it your way, then," Max shrugged as he opened the door. When they were halfway out, he suddenly remembered something he had to tell Jay if he was gonna be alone with Nathan the entire night. "Oh, wait, Jay? Do me a favor and get Nath to cheer up? He's been a bit cranky lately, and for the life of me, I don't know why."

"Yes, dad," Jay mocked. "Now get out of here and have the night of your life."-When Jay walked back into the living room of the flat the five of them shared, he found an unusually quiet Nathan sprawled on the couch watching Family Guy. _Max was right after all. Might as well try to start up a conversation._

"Hey, Nath. What's up?"

"Not much," came the reply. His voice sounded heavy and nasally, as if he'd been crying.

"Don't say that." Jay sat down beside him and put his hand on Nathan's shoulder, which seemed to tense at his touch. "Something's going on with you, and I'm not gonna stop bugging you until you tell me what it is. You know you can talk to me any time, right?"

"Yeah, but I don't think you can help this time." Nathan said, his eyes staying firmly glued to the television.

_Something's definitely wrong_, Jay decided. "Of course I can help," he said. "Just tell me."

"It's none of your business, okay?" When Nathan finally looked at him, there were tears in the younger boy's eyes and his chin was quivering so much that it wasn't hard to tell that he was desperately trying-and failing-not to cry.

"Mate, don't cry," Jay pleaded. "I hate seeing you like this." He tried putting an arm around Nathan, but the latter flinched and ran up to his room.

"Nath?" Jay called just as he heard the door slam. _Great. What have I done wrong now?_

He was about to follow Nathan upstairs when his phone chimed. He checked it and found a text from Siva.

_Hey, Bird. Max told me to ask you if Nath's okay. What's going on?_

Of course. Leave it to Seev to be the only one sober at this time.

_It's nothing. He's just been acting-_

He hesitated, waiting for the right word to come to him.

_-weird lately. Like something major's bothering him. Can't say that he's okay now, but I'll go talk to him. Just tell Max to lighten up a bit, okay?_

S: _Yeah, sure, he and Tom are having a drinking contest with some bloke right now. Good luck with Nath, wish I could help._

J:_ Nah, Max and Tom need you more than I do right now. Have fun._

_If I can't talk to him personally, maybe he'll reply to a text_, Jay suddenly thought.

J: _You okay?_

The reply came seconds later:

N: _I'm fine._

_You're obviously not, _Jay thought. But he decided not to push the matter. _I'll just surprise him with a visit to his room. That boy never leaves the door locked anyway. _And with that thought, he trudged up the stairs, determined to find out once and for all what was bothering Nathan.


	2. Chapter 2

As it turns out, Jay was spot on. Nathan was _not _okay. And he hadn't been for two straight years.

It had started way back during the auditions. He, Max, and Tom had already been accepted, and Jayne had asked the three of them to help pick the remaining two members for the band they were forming.

He had taken a liking to Jay the minute he entered the room. There was just something about him-his luscious curls, the way his eyes caught the sunlight, his shy and awkward personality-that made Nathan want to know him, become close to him. He knew he'd never felt that way about any girl, any _person_ he'd ever met in his sixteen years of existence.

The feeling became stronger when he opened his mouth. "Hi, I'm Jay McGuiness," he said and proceeded to sing. His voice was unlike any other Nathan had ever heard, and it enveloped him like a warm blanket on a cold night. He _definitely _wanted Jay to be in their band, both for selfish reasons and for career-related reasons.

Needless to say, he passed and in The Wanted's first few months of being a band, the two of them immediately became close friends. So close that they were like brothers. That was when Nathan knew he had started to fall for him. As the lads hadn't moved in together yet, every minute he spent away from Jay was agonizing. And every time they were together, butterflies erupted in his stomach and he found it harder to carry a one-on-one conversation with him properly. Then they wrote _I'll Be Your Strength _together and Nathan knew he loved Jay. He just didn't know-and still didn't-how to break it to him.

_What is happening to me? _he thought as he lay on his bed staring up at the ceiling, tears blurring his vision.

_How hard can it be to tell Jay that you've fallen for him? It's been two fucking_ _years_,his conscience-the persistent voice that was always bugging him in his head-said.

"But what if he doesn't love me back? Or what if he loves me but not the way I want him to? Even worse, what's gonna happen to our careers?" he mused aloud. He'd been having this argument with himself for a good eight months now.

_It'll be fine, it's not like the fans will hate you or anything. And I'm sure the boys will support you fully._

"What if they don't?"

_Stop being a pessimist and just tell him. How bad could it be?_

"Very bad," he argued.

_Well, you'll never know if you never try. Who knows, he could love you too and you'll never know because you never took the chance and told him how you feel about him._

"Fine. FINE! I'll tell Jay," he shouted, anything to shut up his conscience. He absolutely loathed it when it was right.

"Tell me what?"

_Holy shit._


	3. Chapter 3

At the sound of _his_ voice, Nathan sat up so fast that his phone-which had been lying on his stomach-flew across the room and landed at Jay's feet.

"Bird! W-w-what are you doing here?" Nathan stammered, hastily swiping his hand across his face to hide the fact that he'd been crying.

"Well, I did tell you I wasn't gonna stop bugging you until you told me what's wrong, and your door was unlocked, so...wait, oh my God, Nathan, have you been crying?"

"No," he replied hastily, staring at the floor, "I already told you I'm fine, didn't I? Just do me a favor and leave me alone tonight. I promise I'll tell you when I'm ready, but I'm just not." Nathan's words came out in a rush, sounding more harsh than he intended to.

The words hit Jay with the force of a hundred slaps in the face coupled with being pushed down an endless staircase. When he spoke, he tried to keep his voice calm, but his blue eyes betrayed all the hurt he was feeling like glass.

"Gee, Nath. I thought we were friends. Brothers, even. But I guess now that you're growing up, you don't need me anymore."

"Jay, I-"

Despite all of Jay's effort to remain nonchalant, his voice shook: "Don't. You told me to leave you alone, so I will. I hope I haven't been taking too much of your precious time. See ya tomorrow, Nathan."

"I'm sorry," Nathan said to a closed door. _I do need you, Jay. More than you could ever know. If you only knew. If I had just sucked it up and told you, maybe it wouldn't be like this._

"I'm so sorry, Jay," he whispered.

He fell back on the bed as hot tears started flowing once more down his cheeks; he cried-no, sobbed-himself to sleep that night, hating himself for being the most cowardly of all cowards.

Jay didn't cry if he could help it. But Nathan had pushed him over the edge. He hated falling outs like this within the band, especially with one of his closest friends. Especially if that friend was starting to become something more to him. He was the only reason he chose to stay home and miss a good round or two of drinks: spend the night together so that they could talk-_really _ talk, not just the fleeting conversations they had that were always interrupted-and he could maybe sneak a confession in. A confession that he'd been harboring feelings for Nathan ever since they met two years ago. He loved everything about the baby-faced boy his attention had been drawn to ever since his audition: the way his eyes were either blue or green, never just one color; the way his entire face lit up when he laughed; his phenomenal voice; his ability to write brilliant songs in ten minutes flat; his positive outlook on life. His cooking could use some work, but his flaws endeared him to Jay even more.

_It's all my fault this shit is happening. I should have let this issue slide the first time you told me to. But I've never wanted anyone in my entire life more than you, Nath. I think about you all the time, and I admit that not all of those thoughts are...appropriate. We used to be best friends, Nath. We could talk about literally anything. So why won't you talk to me now?_

Thankfully, he was already in his room by the time the tears started flowing in earnest. He couldn't let anyone see him crying. Jay didn't even make it to the bed; he just sank to the floor and let the tears-of regret, of frustrated love, he wasn't entirely sure-come.


	4. Chapter 4

Jay woke up with a crick in his neck from falling asleep against the door. _What the fuck am I doing here?_ he thought. He got up to take a shower and, as he looked in the mirror, his eyes-still puffy and red from last night's crying fit-reminded him of the events of the previous night.

_Oh, right. Nathan's not talking to me. Great. Just fucking great._

Thankfully, the shower washed away some of the redness so that it no longer looked obvious that he had been crying. _No use worrying the other lads, regardless of how hungover they are_, he thought as he threw on whatever articles of clothing he found in his closet.

Just as Jay opened his bedroom door to grab breakfast, Nathan opened his at the exact same second. Their eyes met and a silent message passed between them-_not one word about last night_-before Nathan averted his eyes walked away.

"Ugh," Max groaned as he woke up with the worst headache ever.

"Oh good, you're awake," Nathan, who was sitting on the couch across from where he had fallen asleep, said. "Jayne called to remind us that we've got an interview later." His tone was nonchalant, but even a hungover Max could sense that he was occupied, like something was _still_ bothering him.

_No use asking him about it now. If Jay couldn't get him to talk-_ , the fresh wave of pain that tore through his head as he tried to sit up interrupted his train of thought.

"Aww hell, that hurts. Wait, did you say we've got an interview?"

"Yeah, Martin's picking us up after lunch."

"Perfect. Just perfect," Max replied, his voice dripping sarcasm. "By the way, where are the other lads?"

"Tom's right there on the floor; last I checked, Seev was awake but I bet he's fallen asleep in the shower; and Jay-" Nathan's voice caught at his name. _Act normal_, he chided himself and cleared his throat, "Jay's out buying some pizza."

"Awesome," Max replied before lying back down on the couch. He tried to go slowly, but apparently his body thought he was still moving too quickly and sent a fresh wave of pain through his skull.

"Ouch."

Jay, in fact, had gone out to get pizza. They had barely any edible food left in the flat, and _someone _had to feed them. Besides, he needed to get out of the house and away from Nathan for a bit; needed the time alone to get his thoughts and feelings in check.

The short walk to the pizza place was strangely uneventful; no paparazzi were around and only a handful of people stopped him to get a picture or an autograph. But maybe that was because he was preoccupied the whole way and couldn't concentrate on anyone, anything but Nathan.

"A large pepperoni and 3 slices vegetarian," he said mechanically to the cashier, whose nametag had a smiley face and the words "I'm David and I'm always happy to serve you" printed on it, mocking Jay with it's cheerfulness.

"That'll be 69 pounds," David replied just as mechanically.

Once he had the pizzas, Jay took his sweet time walking home, even stopping at the local park and sitting on a bench staring into space for what seemed like an eternity.His line of thought went something like this:

_I should probably get home now. Pizza's getting cold. But I don't really wanna see you-know-who yet. But the lads will become suspicious and wonder what's happening, won't they? What if they ask for the truth? I mean, the real truth. What would I say then? I can't just say that I love him straight to his face. Yes, you can. But he'd think I'm a freak! You don't know that. Okay, fine, so what if he doesn't? He could never love me back anyway. I'm too much of a brother-slash-best-friend to him. Or at least I used to be. Tell him! I can't. _

"You orrite, mate?" asked a man across from him. Jay felt his cheek and discovered that he had inadvertently started crying again.

"Yeah, thanks, I'm fine," he said, mustering up a smile.

"You sure? I could have sworn you were crying." This man was interfering _way _too much in Jay's personal life for his liking.

"It's nothing, really. But thanks." He stood up and, taking the now-cold pizzas with him, set off towards home. That is, if he could still call it that.


	5. Chapter 5

"You lads ready to go?" Martin, letting himself in with the spare key, asked.

"No," Tom groaned from the couch, an unfinished slice of pepperoni pizza dangling from his hand.

"I _told_ you it was a bad idea to go to the pub last night. But you never listen to me, do you?" Their manager plopped down on the couch after finding his way through the labyrinth of pizza boxes and soda cans strewn on the floor. "And I'll take _that_, thank you very much," he added, stealing the last slice of pizza from under Tom's hungover nose.

"I was gonna eat that."

"No, you weren't," Martin retorted, stuffing the slice into his mouth. "Now I'm giving you 5 minutes to get ready and get in that van."

"How, may I ask," Siva, who was in a much better state than Tom, said, "Are we supposed to get ready when Nathan's still in the shower?"

"I'll get him," Max volunteered.

"You sure you'll be able to find your way?" Martin snickered.

"Very funny, Martin. Mock the one who's hungover," Max said dryly, getting up and going upstairs without any problem whatsoever.

"Hey, Max?"

"What?"

"Do me a favor and get Bird and his lazy arse down here too!" Martin called.

"Got it!"

"Nath!" Max banged on the door of the lone bathroom in the house. "Martin's here, so you'd better get out of there soon!"

"Yeah," came the muffled reply from inside.

He went to Jay's room next and started banging on the door too, just in case he was asleep. "Jay! Martin says to get your lazy arse to the living room, we're about to leave for the interview."

"Be right there."

Five minutes later, it came as no surprise that everyone was already in the van…except for Nathan. "I thought you called him!" Martin exclaimed, turning on Max. "Don't look at me! That boy never listens," Max replied. Seconds later, Nathan came flying out the door and into the van, where the only vacant seat left just happened to be the one beside Jay.

He knew he had to act like nothing was wrong, but Nathan couldn't help hesitating.

"What the hell are you waiting for?" Martin said impatiently.

Fortunately, Jay was an expert at covering up. "Don't worry, Nath. I took a shower today," he winked.

"Haha. Yeah right," he replied, taking the seat. The second his butt touched the cushion, Martin floored the accelerator and sped off.

Both Nathan and Jay were uncharacteristically silent during the drive, but luckily no one seemed to notice. Max, Tom, and Seev had all fallen asleep. At one point, Jay sent a text to Nathan saying:

_I know you don't want to sit next to me right now. Trust me, I'm not feeling this any more than you are._

That was the only communication between the two for the whole fifteen minute trip. Little did they know that they were thinking of each other the whole time: both were torn between their anger and resentment at each other for the fight the previous evening and the knowledge that their thighs were only inches apart. Their hands rested side by side, almost there, but never touching. So close, but yet so far.

_Tell him already_, Nathan's conscience urged. _It's just the two of you anyway._

_Martin's here_, Nathan retorted.

_He's driving. It's not like he can do anything about it right away._

_I can't. I'm not ready yet._

_He's right there. You know you want to, so what are you waiting for? _Jay's mind asked, but he kept his mouth firmly shut. _But he won't even talk to me_, he protested.

_Give him a break. The kid's nineteen. He's still a teenager; he'll get over it someday._

_Maybe you're right_, Jay conceded. He kept forgetting that Nathan was still as young and fragile as he was. How could it be that the youngest of all of them turned out to be the most mature? _But still, I don't think it's the right time yet._

_Keep saying that it isn't the right time yet, and the right time will never come. You'll have to tell him someday, you know._

_I know, but that's what I'm afraid of._

Needless to say, the rest of the drive passed by smothered in an uncomfortable silence.


	6. Chapter 6

The van pulled up in front of the studio with ten minutes to spare before the meeting time they had agreed upon. As usual, they made it unscathed through the fifty-something fans that had done their research well and turned up thanks to Big Kev.

"What happened to you?!" an exasperated Jayne greeted them. It took one glance at Nathan's damp hair for her to figure out what—or rather, _who_—had held them up. "Wait, no, don't answer. Let me guess: either Nathan was in the shower or Nathan was in the shower. Am I right?"

"Good afternoon to you too, Jayne," Nathan muttered halfheartedly.

"Lighten up, Nath! I only meant it as a joke," she laughed.

"I know you did." He managed a small smile: but it was the kind of smile that didn't reach his eyes.

Jayne, of all people, could sense when one of her five "adopted sons" was having an off day. She immediately saw that _both _Nathan and Jay weren't fully present: they weren't speaking to each other like usual, they couldn't stand within a meter of each other, and they couldn't even _look _at each other. But she had once made a promise to them that she wouldn't interfere with their personal problems unless they chose to confide in her. So she left Jay and Nathan alone.

'Hello, boys! I'm Allison, your host for today," said a perky girl who seemed to materialize from thin air.

"Why hello there," Max answered, obviously checking her out. And although Jay only had eyes for Nathan, he had to admit that Allison was something else, what with the blonde hair that surrounded her head in a perpetual halo, her dazzling baby blue eyes, curves in all the right places, and a charming smile and personality to boot. _Maybe she could take my mind off Nath_, he thought, but quickly took it back. _No, Jay, get a hold of yourself. You don't even know her. She could have a boyfriend. _Despite himself, he felt just the least bit disappointed at the thought. _No, no, no, no, just __**no**__. Stop it, McGuiness._

"Thanks for having us," Jay said, shaking her hand out of politeness. _She's got perfect skin, too_, he couldn't help thinking. "I'm Jay."

"I know," she answered, winking so quickly he thought he'd imagined it. But he somehow knew that that wink was only meant for the two of them. _Oh God no, she's flirting with me, isn't she?_ _Fuck, I can't let her get her hopes up for nothing._

She shook hands with Jayne the rest of the lads, then said, "Right this way, if you please. We'll give you some time in the dressing room, then we start shooting whenever you're ready. Would that be okay?" Her ability to switch from a subtle flirt to an experienced professional was uncanny.

"That's absolutely perfect," Tom replied, also obviously smitten with their host.

"Okay then," she flashed him a pretty smile and started down the hallway. "The dressing room's this way," she added, gesturing for them to follow. And they did, led by Max and Tom.

Ten minutes later, long after the lads had done freshening up and were now either sleeping, eating, or tweeting-or in Jay and Nathan's case, trying to keep their minds off each other-Allison came back to explain how the interview would work:

"We'll be interviewing you one-by-one first, then we'll interview you as a group. Since we value privacy, you don't have to answer all of our questions if you feel like it's getting too personal or whatever, okay?"

"That's cool," Siva said.

"Good. I'll be starting with Siva, if that's okay with you." The boy in question nodded his approval. "Then I'll get Max, Tom, Nathan, and Jay in that order. Siva?"

Siva stood up and followed her out of the room.


	7. Chapter 7

Nathan was in the middle of a dream about Jay when he felt an arm—Tom's, judging by how roughly he was being woken up—shaking his shoulder. He squinted in the bright light of the dressing room and when his eyes adjusted, he saw that Allison was back and waiting for him to do the interview.

"Is it my turn already?" he asked groggily.

"Well, you _were_ asleep pretty long," Allison shrugged. "So, yes, it is your turn."

Out of habit, Nathan checked his phone first and found a text from Max:

_Good luck. She asks all the hard questions, if you know what i mean._

He stretched, got up, and followed her into the hallway and into a small white room containing only a table, two chairs, and a recorder.

The click of the lock behind him made him nervous for some reason. _What have we gotten ourselves into?_ he thought, thinking of Max's text.

"Have a seat. Make yourself comfortable," Allison, who was already in one of the chairs, said and gestured to the chair across from her.

Nathan reluctantly lowered himself into the other chair and squirmed, trying to find a comfortable enough position. He then leaned back and looked at her expectantly, as if to say "come at me."

"So, Nathan," Allison began. "You're the youngest member of The Wanted, right?"

"Yeah." He'd gotten this question many times before, so he wasn't surprised that this was the first question she asked. In fact, he would be surprised if she _didn't _bring up the whole "youngest The Wanted member" subject up.

"So, being the youngest, was it intimidating when you first met Jay, Max, Tom, and Siva?

"Yeah, I guess, what with them being years older, but we got used to each other really quickly and we became like a family."

"And who would you say you're the closest to in the band?"

Normally, he avoided answering this question, dismissing it by saying that it was impossible since, like he had said, the five of them were like a family now. But with Allison, her tone made it seem like he _had _to choose just one of them. _And I thought we didn't have to answer everything._

"Gee, I don't really know," he began, scratching the back of his head. "Like I said, we're like one big family..." He trailed off, waiting to see if she was satisfied. It was evident in the way she looked at him expectantly without asking the next question that she was not satisfied with his answer.

"...But if I had to choose just one person, I'd say I'm closest to...Jay. He's like a big brother to me and…" he stopped himself before he could say the words "something more." He quickly covered up and continued, "Yeah, I guess it would have to be Jay."

Her ears perked up at his name, but her face remained devoid of expression.

"Okay. Last question: how different is your life now that you're famous?"

"It's very different. I mean, I get to see my family less, and I can't go out in the street without Kevin-he's our head of security-or some form of disguise now. And there's always the expectations: I constantly have to be what everyone thinks I should be. And I kind of have to stay single just so our careers won't be ruined. But it's still very fulfilling to see all those fans appreciate all our hard work and continue to believe in us after all this time. So I guess it's annoying sometimes, but it also has a lot of perks."

"That will be all," Allison said, stopping the recorder. "Thanks for answering our questions," she smiled sweetly and shook his hand.

"Thanks for having me," he said and followed her back to the dressing room. The whole time he couldn't shake that nervous feeling he'd gotten before and during the interview. He couldn't help feeling that Allison had something to hide.


	8. Chapter 8

Jay, out of sheer boredom, was in the middle of doing a follow spree on the band's Twitter account when the door opened and Allison entered with Nathan in tow. His bandmate was usually all-smiles after an interview with a girl (and this one, in particular, was a stunner), but today he looked nervous, fidgety and his eyes darted from Jay to Allison and back again.

"Does this mean it's my turn?" he spoke up. "Yes, that's exactly what it means," she answered with a hint of flirtation in her voice. _What is this girl up to?_

He got up to join her at the door, but before she could close it he glanced back at Nathan in an attempt to get at least a preview of what was about to come. But he got nothing: Nathan kept avoiding his gaze no matter how hard Jay stared. Finally, he couldn't stall any more and allowed Allison to lead him down the hallway and into the same room she interviewed the rest of the boys in.

"So, what exactly is this interview gonna be about?" Jay asked once both of them had made themselves as comfortable as they could in those hard plastic chairs.

"Oh, you know, the usual," she shrugged. "Is it okay if we start now?"

"I don't see why not."

"Okay then. First question: What's it like being in The Wanted?"

"I can honestly say that it's been the best experience of my life. I mean, Nath, Tom, Max, and Seev mean the world to me and they're like brothers to me now. Making music and performing have always been my passions and doing these with four of the best people in the world is just a bonus. The fans have been amazing, too, and seeing them singing along to us with huge grins on their faces—knowing that we made a difference in their lives—is one of the best feelings in the world."

"And since you talked about the other members being like brothers to you, who would you say are you closest to in the band?"

"I don't really know, I love them all equally." Just like Nathan, Jay paused and waited for the next question, but Allison's silence told him that she wouldn't take that for an answer. "But I guess it'd have to be Nathan. He's like my best friend and baby brother rolled into one." _But that was before we had a falling out last night_, his mind supplied.

She nodded, then smiled at him like she knew something he didn't. "Last question—just so you know, we ask this one to every celebrity we interview: How different is life now that you're famous?"

"It's been one hell of a ride. I can't see my family and friends back home that often any more, and I can't go out of the flat without Big Kev and I constantly have to watch out for paparazzi. It's like everyone knows my every move. I do miss my old life, but I wouldn't trade this one for anything in the world."

"And that's a wrap for the individual interviews," she said, pressing the stop button on the tape recorder. "Thanks for coming and agreeing to, you know, do all this."

"Thanks for putting up with me," he answered, making her giggle. _Allison isn't that bad_, Jay decided. _So why was Nath so nervous?_

"Uh, Jay, if you don't mind, there's...there's something I want to tell you." She was blushing like a tomato and playing with the hem of her jacket as she looked at him.

_Oh. Shit, I know where this is going. It all makes sense now: the flirting, making me go last. Still doesn't explain why Nath looked so nervous though. _He braced himself to hear her say the three words he just knew he couldn't say back to her.

"I...I think I love you."


	9. Chapter 9

"I love you."

The words still bounced around Jay's subconscious even though he had anticipated them. He was lost for words. He knew that the only person in his heart was Nathan, but he didn't want to break the heart of such a sweet girl.

_It wouldn't hurt to play along, wouldn't it? If it gets too far, then I'll tell her._

He chose his words carefully. "Allison, I...really like you, too. But don't you think you're taking this a bit too quickly?"

"That's actually what I thought too at first, which is why I'd like to invite you and the other boys to my sister's party next Friday. So we can, like, get to know each other more?"

"That sounds like a lovely idea, but I'll have to ask the other boys first. I don't have the slightest idea as to what our schedule's gonna be next week. How about we tell you after the group interview?"

"That would be amazing," she sounded breathless, as if he had just kissed her or something.

_Do something! _Jay's mind said, so he put both his hands on her shoulders and stared into her eyes. "Woah, Allison, I haven't agreed to anything yet. I really do like you, but I don't want to get your hopes up just to disappoint you, okay?"

She shook her head as if to wake herself up. "Yeah, I understand. Sorry. Could we go call the other boys now?" She did her best to keep her voice steady, but Jay didn't need an expert to detect the disappointment in her downcast eyes.

"Why not?"

_I was lost 'til I found you._

"That was absolutely 'orrible," Max said bluntly as soon as they finished their impromptu acapella version of _I Found You_.

"No it wasn't!" Allison protested.

"Yes, it was."

"Whatever. But anyway, boys, thank you for coming and it was lovely having you here."

"I don't know how many times this has been said today, but thanks for having us," Jay replied, leaning back in the sofa that had replaced the hard plastic chairs from the individual interviews. He lightly nudged Allison, who was sitting beside him, the go signal for her to invite them to her sister's party.

"So," she started warily, "If you don't mind my asking, I was wondering: Are you boys doing anything next Friday?"

Nathan was the one to answer. "No, I don't think so. Why, did you have something in mind?" He tried hard to hide the suspicion he still couldn't shake, but even he could hear some bitterness in his voice. He saw that nudge Jay gave Allison, and even though he knew that Jay had no idea of Nathan's feelings for him, he didn't like it. Luckily, Allison didn't seem to notice, or if she did, she was good at hiding it. "I was wondering if you'd come to my sister Molly's 16th birthday party. She's a huge fan of you guys and she hasn't had the chance to go to any of your concerts yet, so it would be amazing if she could meet you. I mean, if you're not busy, that is."

"You had me at the word 'party.' I'm not sure about any of these killjoys, but I'll be there!" Max, who never turned down an invitation to party, said before any of the others could object.

"Count me in!" Jay, Tom, and Siva said at the same time.

"Nath?" All the boys and Allison stared expectantly at Nathan; Jay cocked his head to one side for effect.

"Well…"

"Aw, come on! Don't be a party pooper before the party's even started!" Tom pleaded.

"…I guess it wouldn't hurt," Nathan finally said, breaking into a smile as the others started rejoicing and planning how—if ever—they were going to sneak out without Scooter finding out.


	10. Chapter 10

"Nath!" Jay hissed, rapping sharply on the bathroom door. "Either you hurry up or we're leaving without you!" It was Friday, the night of the party, and the taxi was already idling outside their flat. Jay didn't originally choose to be the one to call Nathan, but Siva, Max, and Tom had jumped into the taxi the moment it pulled up.

"I mean it this time," Jay added, remembering that the last time any of them used that threat on Nathan, they'd spent a full sixty minutes staring at the ceiling doing nothing while the latter was in the shower knowing full well that they'd wait for him.

"I'm coming!" came Nathan's voice over the unmistakable sound of running water.

"You're not fooling anyone, Nath! I can hear the shower going."

He heard Nathan mutter a curse, then the sound of the water was replaced by silence—and the shower door sliding open. Seconds later, he emerged: dishevelled hair dripping onto the carpet and a towel wrapped around his waist. Jay couldn't help thinking that he was an attractive sight like that: he wasn't the most muscular, but that didn't matter. As far as he was concerned, Nathan was perfect. And somehow he didn't know it. The Carly Rae Jepsen song sprang to his mind: _What makes you so beautiful is you don't know how beautiful you are to me._

Their eyes met for a brief second—it was only a second, but it seemed to stretch out until forever as they unknowingly got lost in each other's eyes—then Nathan broke their stare and made for his room. But Jay wouldn't let him: he grabbed the retreating boy's wrist and held on. Nathan stared at the hand as if it's very touch was poisonous.

"Nath, wait. Look-"

"Whatever you have to say to me, can't you at least let me get dressed first?" Nathan snapped. "Sorry," he hastily muttered.

"No, this'll only take a few seconds. Look, Nath, we can't keep acting like this. We barely even talk anymore. Eventually the others are gonna figure out that there's something funky going on between us. So what I'm saying is let's just forget that the fight ever happened and bring things back to the way it was. What do you say; are we friends again?"

Nathan hesitated for a moment, considering, thinking, as Jay waited nervously, still not loosening his grip. Finally, after a tense silence, he broke into a smile and said, "You don't know how long I've been waiting to say that. I thought you were still mad at me!"

"I can't stay mad at you, you know that. Even though you're really stupid sometimes," Jay said, smiling involuntarily as it finally sunk in that they had kissed and made up—figuratively, although he secretly wished it could have been literal.

"I know you secretly love me for it," Nathan joked, severely wishing that it were true. "So…now that we're friends again, can you let go of me now?"

"Oh right. Sorry," Jay said, hastily letting go. "Mate," he added as Nathan flashed that amazing smile at him again and walked into his room.

"Hey, Bird?" he said, turning back just as he was about to close the door. "Better go tell the boys that I'll be down in a little while. Don't wanna keep them waiting."

Jay gave him a thumbs up and quickly trotted—on the verge of feminine skipping—down the stairs.


	11. Chapter 11

"You have _got _to be kidding me," Nathan said flatly.

"I'm not. I went down to the living room and noticed it was unusually quiet, so I went out on the stoop just in time to watch the freakin' taxi disappear around the corner."

"So I guess we're stuck here until we can call a cab. And you know how unpopular _those_ are on Friday nights," Nathan said sarcastically, flopping down on the bed once more.

"It's not so bad," Jay shrugged. "I didn't really feel like going anyway. I just played along with the other lads."

"But what about Allison?"

"She told me she really likes me, and frankly I really like her too, but not enough for us to be, you know, a couple."

"Is that so?" Nathan asked, curiosity making him sit up.

"Yeah. Besides, there's someone else I've had my eye on for a while now." As the words escaped him, his nonchalance quickly turned to shock as he realized what he had said.

Nathan's eyebrows rose. "Really? Who?" He hoped Jay couldn't hear the hurt and bitterness in his voice.

Jay took a deep breath and looked Nathan square in the eyes. There was no better time to tell him how he felt than now, when the two of them were alone with no one to eavesdrop. Before he could change his mind, he said that one fateful word. One three-letter word that carried the weight of the world on it's shoulders.

"You."

The word hung in the air for a few seconds as the two stared at each other. It was exactly like the night they fought: Jay in the doorway, leaning on the jamb, Nathan sitting cross-legged on the bed, mouth hanging slightly open.

"Jay, I-"

"Yeah, I know. You think I'm a freak now." As much as he hated it, tears sprang to Jay's eyes. "But it—everything I said—is all true. I love you, Nath. I have ever since I met you. I've been constantly trying to find the right time to tell you, and I've been afraid of how you'd react. But I just had to get it out of my system and I just want you to know it. And it's perfectly fine if-" A tear left his eye and made his way down his cheek. "If you don't-"

He was cut off by the feel of Nathan's lips on his, the feverish heat of their bodies in contact. He got over the shock of the whole moment quickly and kissed him back. Before any of them knew it, Jay had pushed Nathan onto the bed and they were lying on top of each other, both breathing heavily. The former pulled away and stared down at Nathan, whose blue-green eyes were sparkling in the light.

"I love you too, James McGuiness," he said, and pulled Jay in for another kiss.

_When your lips touch mine, it's the kiss of life. I know, I know that it's a little bit frightening; we might as well be playing with lightning._


	12. Epilogue

Nathan jolted awake at 3 in the morning, breathing heavily from a nightmare he'd had concerning Jess, his mum, the other boys, and a massive fourteen-wheeler. For a second in the pitch black, his eyes darted frantically around the room, trying to adjust to the darkness and remember where he was, until he felt the warmth of Jay's arm around him. This simple gesture, a mere touch, comforted him and he let Jay's light, endearing snores lull him back to sleep.

The nightmares never came back; instead, they were replaced by sweet, peaceful dreams about the boy he was sharing a bed—and a precious secret—with.

The next time he woke up, bright sunlight was streaming through the curtains; the clock on his bedside table read 9:42 A.M. and Jay was nowhere to be seen. A cursory check of his phone revealed a text from precisely the person he was looking for: _Good morning, handsome ;) Hope I didn't wake you up. Breakfast's waiting in the kitchen, if you want some xx_

It was only when he saw the word breakfast that he realized how ravenous he was: he and Jay hadn't eaten a proper dinner the previous night. Venturing out into the hallway, his nose caught a whiff of freshly brewing coffee and pancakes on the stove, making his mouth water and his empty stomach grumble.

He followed the sweet aromas downstairs and, in his trance, almost tripped over Tom, who was sprawled—fast asleep—in the entryway of the kitchen.

"Shit," he muttered, clutching the side of the wall to keep his balance.

"Almost forgot, better watch out for Tom," Jay called from the stove.

"Too late," Nathan said, carefully stepping over Tom. "And you didn't tell me on purpose. So what's for breakfast?" As if he couldn't already tell from the smell.

"There's eggs and bacon over there on the counter, pancakes are on the way, and coffee's almost ready."

"You're the best, Bird, you know that?" he replied, casually strolling over to the stove and wrapping Jay in a hug from behind.

"I know," the latter said, and before any of them knew it, Jay had stealthily turned around and they were facing each other: arms intertwined and faces so near to each other's that they noticed things they'd never seen before—whether it was the striking blue of Jay's eyes up close or the perfect proportionality of Nathan's features.

"Well, this is awkward," Jay chuckled.

"No, it isn't," Nathan retorted, and he leaned in and planted a soft, lingering kiss on Jay's lips.

"You're right. It's perfect," Jay whispered and kissed him right back.

Of course, that was when Max chose to wake up and look for something to eat. Fortunately, his loudly dragging footsteps gave him away and by the time he arrived in the kitchen entryway—and proceeded to trip over Tom—Jay and Nathan had let go of each other, acting like absolutely nothing had happened between them.

"You'll _never _guess who we bumped into at Allison's last night," he slurred. It was apparent that the effects of who knows how many beers he'd drank last night hadn't worn off yet.

"Who?" Jay asked, raising an eyebrow at Nathan, who was quietly in hysterics.

"Your twin! Tom!"

"No fucking way."

"It's true! Apparently he was friends with Alli in high school and he's had a crush on her for a while now. So he told her, and it looks like they're together now," Max explained, grabbing a piece of bacon and dragging himself back to the living room. He, however, forgot about Tom and tripped over him again, landing hard on the floor and letting out a small 'ouch' before promptly falling asleep again.

_So that whole thing with Allison was just a crush? _Jay thought. Then, as he looked over at Nathan, it sunk in that they _could _be together, seeing as Allison didn't expect anything from him anymore. Tom McGuiness was gonna be the best boyfriend in the world; Jay could tell.

"Uh, Bird?" Nathan interrupted his train of thought. "Your pancakes are burning."

"Holy shit, sorry." Jay fumbled for the dial and turned off the stove just in time: the pancakes were burnt, but it was nothing he couldn't fix.

"Hey, Nath?" he said, leaning back on the counter, relieved. "You remember I told you that Allison told me that she really likes me?"

All Nathan could do was nod and wait for Jay to go on.

"Well, it turns out that she has, like, a major _major _crush on me. I think she even wanted to get together. But I couldn't just tell her 'yes' because of how I felt about you. But now that she has Tom, I think it's safe to say that I'll never leave you."

"Ever," he promised.

Nathan smiled and opened his arms. They had to settle for a hug, just in case any of the others woke up again. What happened with Max was much too close of a call for them to risk a kiss again. Wrapped in each other's embrace in the quiet of the morning, the solitude was the perfect start to a beautiful, albeit risky, relationship. And the best part? It was a secret only they shared. Together.

_They don't know I've waited all my life just to find a love that feels this right; Baby, they don't know about us._


End file.
